Lucidia Lohman

Isis Reviews Stuff for Lulu (part one)

The Red Jingly Space Ship (from Mom and Dad)

The buttons are big and easily movable, these colors are nice, and the seat has decent-sized butt and belly room. It also bounces, so LuLu will be distracted while Mom pours another glass of wine and pets me incessantly.

However, this is not a real space ship like I thought it was, so it won’t shoot me away from the other cats I am forced to cohabitate with. False advertising does not please me.

The Boppy (from Bethany Gaspar)

This is an absolutely fantastic piece of equipment. There is nothing wrong with this at all. This keeps me away from all the other cats, I can safely hide and nap in here, it is very comfortable, and it keeps me kind of high up. LuLu will love this—if she can get me out of it.

The High Chair (from David Beckner)

This fine piece of equipment will keep LuLu high up and away from me. It made my butt feel nice—cooled it down—and it smells good, too. There’s also lots of room.

However, because there was no food present at time of inspection, I have to demand another analysis at a later time.

P.S.—I’m still looking for wet food.

The Glider Ottoman Set (from Mom and Dad)

I like this because it glides and is made up of great material to scratch. There is also plenty of room to spread out.

However, when Mom sits in it, I can’t get to her lap because her belly is too big. I’m not a fan of this chair for that reason. And if there’s a baby there, I will most likely have to sit on the ottoman and stare at Mom in a jealous rage while she feeds her offspring. Not cool.

The Car Seat (from Mom and Dad)

This is a machine designed to shame and embarrass.

I hate this thing.

The Five-Drawer Dresser (from Ba Ba and Pop Pop)

This is a very sturdy piece of furniture. It’s high up, so, again, it keeps me away from cats, but I probably wouldn’t leave a baby up here for any amount of time unsupervised. Also, these ducks are stupid.

The Crib and Bedding (from Ba Ba and Pop Pop)

First, I must say that this mini baby jail is a genius idea! There is no better place to put a newborn in order to give me all the petting and wet food I could ever need! Second, this will safely keep LuLu penned up as I freely roam the house. It will allow her to know—in a safe way—that this house is mine, not hers, and she is living here only because I’m allowing it. And this froggy bedding is absolutely adorable. Seriously. My hair is already all over it. Mom is not happy, but my marking my territory is a small price to pay for her sanity.

Toy Box (from Ba Ba and Pop Pop)

Genius! All I can say is whoever came up with this baby box is a genius! This is an excellent place to either store the baby or the other cats when I feel too claustrophobic. Sure, you can put toys in here, but why bother when my 22-pound brother would fit so nicely in here?

Three-Drawer Dresser (from Ba Ba and Pop Pop)

This piece of furniture is alright. Not exactly as high as the other dresser, but I believe Mom will be turning this into a diaper changing table. While this was originally supposed to be a nightstand (to grow as LuLu grows—I shudder at this thought), this may be too high. Still, it’s very sturdy, and those stupid ducks aren’t on this, which is also a plus. I assume stinky diapers will be changed here, though, so I suggest purchasing a gas mask as well, since the Diaper Genie Mom has may not be enough.

Seriously, why can’t baby humans just use litter boxes?

My butt

I review it. And my butt always signals the end of something. Usually, it’s me. This time, it’s this list of reviews. See you next time when I needlessly cover Lulu’s new things with hair.

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