Lucidia Lohman

38 Weeks… The Countdown Begins

12 days to go. Well, at least that’s what I hear Mom saying. She goes “12 12 12 12 12 12… get out.” That makes me laugh. Then she mentions “eviction notice” to Dad, and he laughs. I still don’t know what that is.

Has anyone heard of this thing called “Thanksgiving”? Wow! And I thought Whoppers were good! Nothing compares to turkey, stuffing, gravy, jellied cranberry, and sweet potato casserole! Absolutely nothing! I think Mom ate her weight in turkey legs. I like turkey. And then Dad made turkey rice soup. Wow. That was great.

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36 Weeks Gestated!

I would like to make an announcement:

I could come any day now!

Sure, my due date is December 13, but really, what do doctors know? Now that I’m 36 weeks gestated, I can come at any time because I’m considered full-term! Sure, I should stay put for a few more weeks to aid in lung development and overall weight gain (Mom loves weight gain, especially now that I’m making her crave all sorts of fats and sugars), but if I decided to come now, it’d be kosher.

Mom’s been saying she hopes I come right after Thanksgiving. Something about “convenience” and “holidays” is all she can talk about.

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I’m Being Sneaky

Mom thought this was so funny. She laughed so hard that I almost made her pee herself. I don’t know why she finds this funny. It probably has to do with the word “evicting,” but I don’t know what that means. I wanted to sneak on here and post it because if it makes Mom happy, it’ll make you happy, too.

Can someone explain this to me, please? Who is Mom “evicting”?

Am I Really That Old? (With Pictures!)

I can hardly move in here. And it’s dark.

Apparently, I am 33 weeks old, and I’m making sure Mom feels every minute of it. I’m pretty sure I’m at least 4 pounds right now. Maybe more.

Things have been hectic here, but all is well now. I was giving Mom a hard time for awhile as her body began adjusting to the weight gain, my never-ending bladder dancing, and this thing she calls “heartburn.” But I heard her tell Dad that she can sleep through the night now if she sleeps in a certain position. I still kick her though. Well, sometimes. It’s getting hard to move around in here. Things are getting cramped. I mainly just slide from one side to another and poke at this bladder. I get bored, so sometimes I’ll poke Mom’s ribcage. I love her diaphragm, too. It’s flexible. Great for my feet. Mom said she can’t breathe, but I don’t have anywhere else to go right now, to be honest with you, so feet in ribs and lungs will have to do.

These past two weeks, I have found out I can do two very important things: make Mom crave Mexican food (even Taco Bell when we’re low on cash) and hiccup—a lot. I think I hiccup 3-4 times a day. That’s crazy. But that Mexican food sure is worth it.

My favorite thing this week was when Mom was in a meeting with her boss, and I kept sliding, which I heard her say makes her shirt move (or something). So there she is, sitting there, with her shirt moving across her belly, trying to make sure no one notices! Oh, I’m a stinker.

It’ll get worse, Mom, before it gets better.

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Just a Small Update From a Small Lady

Well, I’m not so small anymore. I keep growing and growing and growing (or as Sarah Palin would say, “growin’” and “golly gee no way, look adder go!” (I really don’t like that woman’s voice.) I’m over three pounds now and totally upside-down in here. (It’s getting hard to type. This cord keeps getting in the way.) I’m starting to trigger some simple contractions for Mom at night and in the morning so she can get used to it. Wait’ll she sees what I have in store for her! Ha! I’m also making her crave everything sugar. She gained three pounds in two weeks! Boy, was she mad. (She promised to walk more, but I’m making her too tired for that. Just keep feeding me, lady.)

Mom was really mad yesterday. Apparently the place we were supposed to go back to in order to get the 4D ultrasound just up and closed. Permanently. It’s no longer in business! Mom said she wants a refund, but I’m not sure for what. It’s not like she can return me.
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30 is a BIG number

Apparently, being almost 30 weeks’ gestated is a “big deal” in my household. I’m not sure why.

First, Mom is starting to get restless. She pees all the time. I don’t know why, but she keeps blaming me. Then she keeps taking me in to see “the nursery.” Lady, I can’t see anything. I have no idea why you insist on telling me you’re lifting a shirt off of your belly so I can “see” something. I can’t see anything. Yes, while it’s true I can open and close my eyes, the best I can see is really dim red light, sort of like if you stare at the sun with your eyes closed. Get the point? I can’t see anything. All this talk of froggies and duckies… I get it. They’re super cute, just like me, but I can’t see them yet.

Second, we’re getting lots of packages. I can’t believe how much stuff I’m getting, and I’m not even born yet! Mom said she got free diapers. She said she took pictures. I’m sure she’ll post them soon. Something like six months of free diapers. I have no idea. Must be a conspiracy thing.

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Almost 26 Weeks! Wow!

It’s really dark in here, so I can’t see well enough to type that great. I’ll give you an update anyway.

This week I just learned I have the ability to do three things: (1) open and close my eyes, (2) kick Mom until she pees herself, and (3) convince Dad through kicking Mom that it’s a good idea to give me Whoppers when I request one. In other words, don’t make your kid wait for French fries and cheeseburgers. Especially burgers with mayo. Mmmmmm.

I’m onto something new this week. I love sugar. I mean I can’t get enough of it. I love bouncing off The Uterine Walls of Glory after a good dose of sugar. I do somersaults and dance a lot when I get that sweet stuff. I know Mom was giving that to me when I was really young—like 4 weeks’ gestated or something—but she didn’t realize it. Since she found out about me, she’s really lowered her sugar intake, so any sugar I get is a real cool treat. And now I realized I can make her crave it. A few days ago I convinced her to give me Airheads. These are cool. My favorite flavor is red. (more…)